Chained
Chained to the fear,keeping you in the same spot for so long
Chained to the grudges, keeping your relationships from growing
Your shame has taken control of your life
The lies you can’t seem to stop telling
The addiction, you can’t make go away
You're a slave to the depression and to the pain
Its time to break free of the chains
There not doing anything but holding you back from life
Break free, break free
One moment, one minute, and one day at a time
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139,568 Literary Works • 672,610 Reviews
Very good. You're repetition caught me from the first glance. Though I think it would help your flow and rhythm if you changed you wording around in a few lines... this was still packed with emotion and was well written. Please Keep Writing!!
~Lukan
Repetition is good and catches a readers attention/sets the flow, but don't over-use it, or it gets just abit boring.
Like above reviews say, this doesn't quite...work. it's different in wording from what you've written above, and is abit bumpy.
This flows together well, once you read it fully through... but the second line sounds just a bit thrown into it, and drags out a little longer than the following/beforehand, upsetting the flow slightly.
Hi there Sarah. I'm Conrad.
I have to say that the repetitive way you start your first seven lines or so doesn't do anything for me. It just kind of bangs along and feels off-setting. Also, you need to keep an eye on the tenses that you are using. A couple of times, you use 'has' when you should use 'have', and it really shows. The poem is thrown off balance a bit by this.
There is a nice foundation you can build on here. You've just got to fix the repetitive nature of the first part, and tighten up your tenses as well. PM me if you have any questions or comments.
Good job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice
This was really well written!
Its so true and i love how you make the reader realize it!
My favorite line would have to be:
Chained to the depression and to the pain; Because isn't the complete and total truth.
I believe that all of us are changed to some sort of pain and depression
and its time that we all break free!
Hi its me Forest! I'll be your reviewer today!
I think since it's a poem it would flow more if you wrote it like this: Chained to the fear, keeping you in the same spotAlso change it to this and it may read better: Chained to grudges that has kept your relationship from growing
take out "that"
Take out "seem to" it doesn't flow if its in there
It should be, "They're not doing..." instead of there
Overall I really liked this. It made me think of all the chains holding me back, and it really was touching. It was great Sarah great job!
I liked this poem. The repetitiveness of it really grabbed me (I could make a corny joke here pertaining to your title, but, well, just be grateful I caught myself in time
, I'm turning into Mom- but is that really a bad thing?... sorry, I think I'm falling back from the subject, *ahem*)
Just a minor suggestion. This line here,
It doesn't really... flow. A bit bumpy. Maybe if you changed it to
Chained to the depression and
Chained to the pain
Just letting it be on the next line helps it roll easily off the tongue.
But other than that, good work!